I am going to turn to 27 this midnight and not exactly sure how I feel. Glad that I have made it one more year and still surviving. At the same time, I am sad....the fact that I still have not found the one yet.
I am in the middle of plant shut down and being female do creates lots of attention. Despite me being fat, not pretty, I do catch many eyes. But someone caught my eye..his name is Azhani, I like him, he looks kinda good man. He prays..(at least that's what I saw), he doesn't smoke (that's what I think). He's single?? (this one I'm a bit puzzled...he is 32, can he still be single?? but he doesn't look like married, he doesn't have the belly and my instinct says that he is still single..)
He is the among the contractors (managerial position). There was one particular day last week that I seem to bumped into him outside of the site for quite few time. First is 24th June, I came to work quite early at 7am and I saw this Vios cruise past about the same time. While driving back, he overtook my car whilst I was about to pull over to buy dinner. Before that I sort of assume that the car is his. I never have seen him driving or getting into the car but somehow or rather I have this strong feeling that was him.
The car just shoot off, but I know the car too well, the driver is still a mystery. Next morning I went out very early to stop by the bank and get stuffs done. I was lining up at the ATM, that VIOS parked!! My heart starts beating faster and he, Azhani steps out. Confirm, it's him..he walks to the next bank in the same row. I don't think that he saw me. I was so nervous that I forgot how to get my top up pin via ATM. He finished at the other bank first. My gaze followed him until he left.
What are the odds to accidentally bumped into the same person at very non normal hours. Is Allah trying to test me? Or is it just mere coincidence.....But I tell you my heart was about to burst at all the coincidences..
We are in the same meeting everyday for this shut down and at the beginning I sat on the same side with him, so I couldn't see his face. Lately we sort of marked our seating place in the meeting and I sat face to face with him at some point. Some time I steal a glance just to look at him. Its just my habit to have a look or at least catch his eye. I am not saying that he did look back at me, but I just like doing that.
I know I like him, but I don't know whether I am bold enough to say that to him. I have this problem of expressing myself. I prayed to Almighty, if at all, there is anybody that is willing to love me and accept me the way I am, please open my heart for him. I couldn't bear the agony of having this unrequited love again. As for Azhani, I don't think I am making any moves, for the time being, let me savour this feeling....not sure when will I feel the same again..
Cinta Dalam Hati
Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku,
Mengagumi tanpa di cintai,
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia,
Dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu
Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
Bahagia untukku
Bahagia untukku
Ku ingin kau tahu
Diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu
Hingga ujung waktuku
Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
Tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
Dan biarkan rasa ini
Bahagia untuk sekejap saja
Posted by
Lavender
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