~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

It was his birthday 2 days ago. I sent him and email with my pictures of recent trip to Cape Town. Suddenly today I feel the urge to peek to his FB page, and so I did.

He got engaged in May, would have expected the wedding to be end of year maybe? during the school holiday. Then it hit me, I would feel really guilty if I still emailing him. I vow to myself that was the last one. Am not gonna send anything anymore. Finito.

Am a bit bluesy from the moment I found out about his engagement, but not as sad that I expected to be though......Maybe I have grown out of him? I hope so, people say time will heal all wounds. I just hope I can forget him.

The part that made me sad the most is that to-date nobody wants me, not in any way imaginable to mankind, pathetic rite? I know. I am praying for Allah to spare me all these feelings, let me not crave for a companion, now or ever, as I am pretty much sure that I will never get married now. Seriously.

Next milestone, go to Hajj, bring my parents with me, insyaAllah...(before that maybe to Brazil...WC 2014) already have friends that have the same interest with, so most likely insyaAllah, i'll go!!

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

My photo
born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.