~hitam putih kehidupan~

It's been quite some time since I last updated here. I actually found another way to vent. Used to be I sat with Shahrul in front of my college bus top and we will be talking like for hours almost about anything. He is the only one that listened to all my ramblings. Not even my roommate do that. Probably I was not pushy enough. Life has never revolves around me and I always let other people speak. And he, Shahrul was among the one that made me feel heard.

He has flaws of course, when we were no longer classmates, he disappeared and never wanted to see me no matter how or when I asked. We still keeps in touch via frenster and facebook. I somehow deleted him off, because I do not want to feed his narcissism by being on his friends list and he never wants to meet me. In the end I wrote an email to him. Below would be my strings of mail to him and latest was sent today;

26th Oct 2008:
Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

If you are reading this, please do me a favour, NEVER reply. This is just one of my escapes and outlet for me to vent out some of the things that has been going on in my life lately. Not sure why but I missed the days that we used to talk for hours at the bus stop and not care about anything. You are the only person that I can talk for hours without reservation, suprised? me too.

Its OK if you did not remember then, this is after all meant for one way communication from me to somebody whom I would never see again for whatever reason.

Am in the middle of a workshop, will write to you later.

Me

07th Nov 2008:
Assalamua'laikum wbt..

How are you? Hope you are doing fine. Its been a hectic few weeks for me. Believe it or not, for the first time since I work, I am broke. mean seriously broke. This morning I checked my account, it only has RM90, and since I took out 30 for prepaid, I have only 60 to live with until end of the month!!! its only first week of the month.

You may wonder, how do I get to such stage. Well for a start, it was Raya , hence my spending just went on top of the roof!! Not sure whether you know this or not, but I bought a house for my mother in Kedah. All the while we were living in rented house in KL. Finally I can get a place to call our own. So after that my spending mostly goes to renovating the house and furnishing it. I am in the middle of decorating and haven't even start furnishing yet, my entire ASB in finished and I am living by the bills each month. Not to mentioned my credit card bill...my goodness, I would have never thought to be in this kind of position....
Whatever it is I have to suck it up and move on...

Enough about my financial status, last weekend I had a BBGS reunion!! I was one of the organiser ;) and we did a great job!! After 10 years, we managed to gather some of our friends and have lotsa fun together..it was tiring but we are satisfied that things went well ;) One fact though...37% of us are still single :p hahaha....I am not alone then.

Okla.. I think I have done enough rambling for today, till we meet again in next mail, take care :) and reminder do not ever reply ok?

Selamat solat Jumaat, jangan ponteng :)

Me

20th Nov 2008:
Assalamualaikum,

Am still at work, my boss just went back. Today is his last day. He's going to Mekah for Hajj. While saying goodbye, he sort of jokingly asking whether I would want him to pray for me. I say pray for what? He said..you know...ala..you know...oohh.. only then I realised...that..I said up to you.

Not sure whether you get what I mean, but guess nowadays most of the people that I know is praying for me in that sense. Many people do care, its just not the time yet. Allah knows best.

And now I could not stop crying because I'm so touched. Insyaallah, hopefully what he'll pray for me will be granted.

You take care...

Me

26th Feb 2009:
Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

Ya Allah..time flies, and it has been a while since I've written to you. How are you? hope things are good? Sebenarnya skarang tgh busy sesangat, tapi entah camne malas gile...appraisal result came out last week and it was not that good for me. Partly because aku sendiri yang slacking off. Tapi I think I did good enough in some parts. Biase la dunia, we have our ups and downs.

Am still in my old job, and for here is considered very slow movement....I had a chance last year but I blew it away, wrong timing, wrong approach plus there is one backstabbing person that get the job. So senang cite, xde rezeki la...

You know what, I have this mindset orang Johor jahat, not going to apologise, just my opinion. Based on what I have seen and things that has been happening around me, I inclined to say that. And the fact that this backstabbing bitch is from Muar, doesn't help either. Well...adela orang Johor yang baik, cam Ekin ngan Azs, and few others. But somehow I've been hurt by more orang Johor compared to other states...kebetulan ke? Tak taula...

Some update, Ina, classmate kite time DIC tu, dah pregnant, due May ni, Yus dah tunang, insyaAllah nikah end June, Azs kat Sabah sekarang, jadi cikgu pra sekolah, rasenye Nisah pon dah pregnant, tp x sure due bile, dah x contact sgt dah skarang...

Aku? cam ni jugak la, still struggling to make ends meet.

Till next time :)

Wassalam.

I will keep on writing to him, each time will post it here as well.

p/s: He's a Johorian--form Kota Tinggi