Seriously, I have no idea. One minute I am so determined to work my ass off and provide my family a better life, another minute I wish that I can just run away, work waiting tables somewhere, travel the world, don't have to care of anything.
I am not happy, that is what I know for sure. Today the newest member of the company's board of director came down here. We, the ladies had the opportunity to hear her words on wisdom, her takes on life and how did she get to where she is right now. She shared mostly on how to make it work, especially for those who are married, and that has never left to make me feel rather inadequate. To add salt to injury, in my circle, the ladies are trickling down the aisle, one by one are signing their life away to a man. Me? status quo. Past 3 days I was working in the control room 16 hrs a day, and yet not a single soul tried to make a decent conversation with me. Am I that ugly? I know I never showed any verbal/nonverbal language to show that I am interested to anybody.
But seriously, out of some odd 20 ppl, not even one would like to speak to me? I can see the pros and cons. The con is, I am not physically qualified to be spoken to, not even by any standard of men. So if I could not make these men that I see 16 hrs a day to speak to me (baru cakap ek..bukan suruh bercinta ngan aku okay..) what do I expect from any other man out there, yup, I know, I should not expect anything, don't even hope to be noticed, never once and never will.
The pros that I can see is that Allah is protecting me. I always prayed that whoever Allah decided to be my life partner, protect us till the day we meet each other, till we are halal for each other. So I guess that must be it. From a simple conversation, thing can lead to something bigger, and in my case, Allah has prevented even the step no 1 from happening. I am blessed.
Yes, as much as I want people (men) to start noticing me, I should always remind myself, Allah is answering my prayer by protecting me. That must be it. InsyaAllah...
Posted by
Lavender
