~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

I finally made a move on the matchmaking website that I was in. However, it was not really a good move. I message a guy that is currently living in EU nation, saying that I found his profile interesting, and if he thinks likewise, I would like to pursue things further.

The instant reply that I get is distance is an issue. Why didn't I think of that? I should have known better, people always-> almost never wanted a relationship that is complicated to begin with. I guess that is why I did not get any messages from other people, not a single one in the last 6 months. The feeling of being rejected is slowly sinking in.

I told myself this morning, 5 years...I have to be patient with all this for another 5 years. I am working at it. I hope by end of 2015, I will be able to move on to something better. InsyaAllah. I am not hoping everything is smooth sailing, but I hope Allah will help me. I just have to be patient and stick to my plan. Else that is beyond my control, I should not be too worried about it. Jodoh for instance. I leave it totally to Allah's hand. Best I can do now is to improve myself.

I must be strong, I must not be weak.

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

My photo
born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.