~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

I have been trying for ages to loose weight. Early this year, I started again, this time I am aiming to loose probably few decent kilo in preparation for next shut down in June.

Last year we had another shut down in March and being BIG and FAT as I am, I do turn many heads, a 90+ kg woman walking around in coverall climbing columns and entering vessels, instructing stuffs to a bunch of guys. Yup, I do stands out, and for not so good reason.

I am a very private person. People only know what they see. Anything beyond that I would not disclose and surely being at the centre of attention is not to my liking. Hence, for this coming shut down, I am planning to slim down untill when I am in coverall, people don't really recognise me and I will not turn any head anymore. Hopefully I am able to do that. To-date I have lost a good 3kg in my first month.

I have to keep the motivation high to achieve my target before June. I want to do this quietly and and the rest of the ppl did not realise how much pounds I have shed off.

Ya Allah....give me strength to wake up in the wee hours to exercise and give me patience to control my urge to eat.....Amin.......

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say what you want to say but i'll still do as i want ;)

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

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born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.