~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

Was with my girlfrens last weeked. Saturday was Shaz's bday and Sunday was some schoolmate's wedding. Somehow Elaine ask me about 'the letter thingy'.

Elaine: So what's the update?
Me: Nothing, he didn't respond..
Elaine: How do you feel?
Me: Ehm....
Elaine: Tak frust ke?
Me: Sikit la..
Elaine: Sikit je?
Me: I guess...I think he's too nice guy, mean he won't bring that up if at all he is not available...but I'm quite sure he's not married.
Elaine: I think he's involved with someone..
Me: It's a good thing that I met him, it sort of give us hope, ade lagi orang baik macam ni....(sigh...)

That's it. To be honest I am sad, frustrated but I learned to deal with this even before I knew the answers. Bet you if anybody ever expressed their interest in me, I would be damn thrilled and would probably reduced to tears..not kidding.
I know for a fact nobody that I know has ever had any desire on me, even if I find one, I would be very grateful.

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say what you want to say but i'll still do as i want ;)

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

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born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.