~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

I took a look at my 2010 financial planning, things does not look good, I was spending way more than I earned and now committed to more things that I could pay for.

So I forecasted my monthly spending up to Dec 2010, by June I'll be deprived of relocation allowance that is total of RM2700. So my June paycheck would be 2000 short whereas I could only cut down the expense of RM1000.

Plus I still have mountains of CC debt to be paid off. I also still have PTPTN debt, not to mentioned my house renovation work have to put on hold. This is all after accounting that I have no savings at all!!

The only one that I have is the Unit Trust money with CIMB, which is good as I don't see it anywhere. Am glad that I made the decision much earlier.. ..

All in all, I am badly screwed. I make it a point to pay off as much debt as I can for this year. My cash flow is below the poverty line. I have to make this works!!!

I have set up KPI's for this year, more focus in order for me to do better at work. Let see how I did in the first 2 weeks of this year...

KPI 1 : To attend operation morning meeting at least more than 2 times a week

Week 1 : 3 oo 5 - good
Week 2 : 2 oo 4 - so-so (blame the 4 working days)

KPI 2: Talk in the meeting when they go round table (at least once a week)

Week 1 : Once
Week 2 : Once

(This one am not planning to increase, just keep it up-> purely for visibility purposes

KPI 3: Contribute valueable learning in monthly report (at least once every month)
Month 1 : Apart from PSA update, am still scratching my head for this months topic)

KPI 4: Respond to email on the same day
Currently working on this, some still got delayed but not as bad as last year..

I think I deserve a pat on the back for the past 2 weeks performance. Let's hope I can at least mantain it throughout the year, InsyaAllah ;)

Before I logged in, many things were flying in my mind, now that the window is opened, my mind is blank.......


I know, lets talk about work, I received a bad feedback. Basically I have not been doing very well. Indeed I knew it, and I felt it as well, I know that one thing for sure that I has been bogged down by countless family issues. Those type of problem that won't just go away. I need to shift my focus, learn to isolate personal and work. I used to be good at that. Anything happen at home, I can still deliver during study time.

I guess its much different environment now. When I was studying, it all hangs in the final exam, I can always relax, take it easy and only work my butt off till the very last minute, and I can still score. But working requires daily stamina, daily renewed motivation. You are not allowed to make mistakes. Today I was talking to a colleague, I realize that the appraisal is actually a fault finding process, a way to slash someone down so that the company won't have to pay you big bonus, that must be it. This guy that I talk to is to me very good, but still his boss is not putting good words for him.

I have promised myself to do better, how? Here are few things that I plan to do:

  1. Attend the morning meeting at least 3 times a week, the more the better (I did this when I first came in 3 years ago,it works..people 'see' you everyday, so they 'assume' you are doing your work....
  2. Produce good piece of work at least once a month
  3. Respond/reply incoming mail on the same day - Boon Yaw did this, and look where he is now..
  4. Copy everybody in the world for work that I do?? - not my style, only when necessary
  5. Set up KPI for myself (done as above), few items to add. Since I am not vocal and not seen as engaging others, I have to ensure that I spend at least 2 minutes updating these managers (once a week) . I just hate updating my big boss, always that I'll end up having more things to do...
  6. Anything else will be updated later....

I guess that's it, will try my best, I will be losing my relocation allowance starting June, so I must exercise some self discipline in terms of budget.. wish me luck :)

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

My photo
born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.