~hitam putih kehidupan~

things that i never will be able to tell face to face to a single soul, yes, i am a coward, unable to express myself, so?

I was in singapore last weekend. Got there because of work, but I took the opportunity to meet with my second crush...hehehe...
I pretty much remembers all my crushes, but hey, this one is dedicated to him. We were in the same class since standard 1 till standard 6. I only realized that I may have a crush on him when I was in standard 6? probably...

Anyhoo...I contacted him, and lucky that he still remembers me and agreed to meet up :) We promised to meet in front of Takashimaya at 8pm. I got there some 30 mins earlier, as I am not familiar with the place, hence I hate to be lost and late. He was punctual, but he didn't see me. I went up to him. Upon saying hi, he put his hands on my back like all the mat saleh do. (He's a Chinese, and I don't think he think that is not appropriate) Plus, it was a friendly gesture, I don't see the harm in that. But for me, knowing that how much I badly need a hug, left me to want more.

I even fantasized during some school reunion in 2003, if I see him there, I would pull him over and just hug him. He is comfortably taller than I am. So if and when I hug him, I will be safely rested on his chest, easily. And I think I can just rest there, for a moment, forgot about everything and settle in his arm....Well, a girl can always dream, rite?

We met again next day when he passed me a free theater ticket, and upon parting, same gesture took place. I had it played in my mind just to hug him. He may be suprised, but I don't think he will resist it. Its just a hug, I bet he have hugged many chicks before ;p
But I sort of dissappointed that I did not loose control, which means, I did not hug him...

Until I find someone who is halal for me, I hope to be given the strength to hold myself. I might loose it if I see him again. Except that I am not sure when the next time will be....

What you'll find here

Space to vent and to let out things that I can never share with any living things (human). I am not an animal person, so cat will not help ;p.

Personal experience and hopes, wishes and gratitudes and always reality that bites hard will be pen down and shared with anyone who cares to read.

Lavender is....

My photo
born Muslim and trying hard to live like one as well. overweight physically and have been trying since forever to loose weigtht. loner and eventhough with a group of friends, will not say much unless asked. never been the centre of attention (apart from my figure that really stoods out!!) never been in serious relationship before due to the fact that I am not pretty and fat and not friendly. having said that a really good fren and damn good supporter.