~hitam putih kehidupan~

A friend's father just passed away yesterday morning. And another friend had stayed in hospital for 3 nights straight spending time with her sick father who is down with heart attack. I feel sad for them.

I feel sad for other ppl, but at the same time I wish it was me in their shoes. Yup, I want my old man dead. Cruel?ungrateful?rude? call me whatever you want. At this moment, hate is so under rated if I described my feelings to the old man.

What makes me so angry with him? He was, and still a drug addict BIG time!! he started using drugs (heroine and opium in this case) since before he met my mother. They got married and still the habit did not dies...Later my sister was born and he was still on drugs. When I was born, he's still on drugs...After my younger sister hits 3-4 yrs old he was caught and sent to Rehab.

My mom who actually earn the living that time. Throughout our lives, there has too many occasion that the police comes to the house, take him away. Or he just dissapeared for days and 2 weeks later we found out that he is already sent to some rehab.

He had also did his time because of variuos offense. I believed he was even once a snatch thief!!! It was 4-5 years back, when he was released from prison, we the sisters decided that we are not going to bother about him anymore. Enough is enough, we did not speak to him, basically giving him the cold treatment. We are tired, but my mom is the guardian angel to him. She always and always took care of him, and willing to receive him no matter what he has done. We are so SICK.

To make things worst, she is on his side. We are accused as the rude ones, Words just cannot describe how much hate do we have for him. I will despise him for the rest of my life. At least that's what I feel for quite some time already.

If I were to write about all the things that he did and all the instances that we fought with mom just because of him, this post won't end. 2-3 years back, I prayed for him to die, so that WE can rest in peace. At the age of 57 he is still on drugs. Who in this goddamn earth at that age cares about drugs anymore???He is sneaky, pretending that he didn't do it, but we have lived too long with an addict. We can spot one once we see it.

For now I am just praying for patience for me and my sisters to go through the days whilst tolerates with both him and mum. Deep inside I wish him DEAD, but I don't pray for it anymore.

YA ALLAH....guide us, give us patience to deal with this...amin.....