I have been having off and on headache since uni days. Those days it was so bad that I can barely open my eyes. Nowadays it would come and go as often as it likes.
First diagnosis was I have not been wearing my specs religiously, so I started wearing more often. The headache got better. But now it comes back and only to one part of the head. It comes sometimes with my menstrual cycle. I hate to take the meds, as it will distrupt my cycle and my body feels uncomfortable. So in the end I have to endure the pain.
I don't really feel like going to the doctor, I went before, they just said its stress related and simply gave me panadol-which I can buy from any grocery store. I just hope that its nothing dramatic like brain cancer or what, migraine is bad enough. Now I don't know what to do. Praying hard its nothing serious but maybe if the pain in unbearable anymore, I might request for scan.
I hope by then it will not be too late as of my back pain situation.
I have issues. Tak tau kenapa I keep on landing my eyes on somebody who is married or already have plans to get married. Remember Azhani, yup, he's married.
I was on this fire training last Tues which involves BOMBA, and I laid my eyes to this one particular guy, not bad looking though. One thing I notice immediately that he has the 'ring' confirm dah kahwin. After lunch we had the tour on ship and somehow we spoke a bit. I think he started off because as visitor of course he is curious to find out how we operates. So yes, we spoke a bit and I don't even know his name.
And there was the other guy,Capt Aziz, I just like the way he speaks. Looking at him, probably he's in mid-30's and married. He doesn't spoke perfect English (which I always like) but somehow I like to hear him speak. Not that I have spoken to him. Something about the way he speaks that does not annoys me. I get annoyed very easily, mind you.
And today is the actual exercise, and I thought I would never meet that BOMBA guy again, but who knows we had a de-brief session and I was kinda checking out to find if he was there. I only managed to see him after everything is finished and I was leaving the sports club. I only took a glance at him and then took off. Enough, I have had that one look and its enough. Lebih karang dosa pulak, laki orang tu...
Why la must I keep on laying my eyes on someone else's husband where in actual fact I hates infidelity, polygamy and everything that comes with it.
Ya Allah, spare me all this feeling. Give me strength to move on. Alone.
p/s: I blame my hormone for all this inappropriate thoughts
Am having my menstrual cycle - on 3rd day already but the pain is still there. Yesterday I was in this fire fighting course, the only lady. No one to talk to, tak ada tempat mengadu for my pain. I won't be discussing about period pain with guys!!!.
And today I still could not do any work that involves thinking. I was bloghopping all morning and enviing (is there any such word?) to all these people that lives outside Malaysia, jealous sgt2. Darn...I can't even finish my work, lagi nak berangan dok oversea. Kerja pon malas, how??
Its still hurting and I could not leave coz I have meeting after lunch but I still could not get anything done..I hate this...
Reminder: Ni semua ujian Allah..sabaq byk2 k?
Past few days there has been heated family feud. Emails were flying around between me and my younger sister, the one that created mess #1 for this year
from me to her:
Assalamualaikum,
Al- Faatihah
[1] Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[2] Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbirkan sekalian alam.
[3] Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[4] Yang Menguasai pemerintahan hari Pembalasan (hari Akhirat).
[5] Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami sembah, dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan.
[6] Tunjukilah kami JALAN YANG LURUS.
[7] Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau telah kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) orang-orang yang Engkau telah murkai, dan bukan pula (jalan) orang-orang yang sesat.
Tak tau bila hang nak buka mail ni, tapi kakcik dah tak larat nak cakap, dah letih nak nasihat. Nak kata tak pandai, SPM 8A, masuk U lagi, tapi tak tahu nak pikiaq masa depan. Sikit pon xda rasa kesian kat mak yang susah payah beranak, besaqkan kita adik beradik dulu. tak kesian langsung kat anak hang.
Kalau orang cakap hang tak pikiaq anak, hang marah, tapi cuba renung balik , tgk balik perangai hang, lepas dari beranak kat Zahar.
Kalau hang betul pikiaq pasai anak hang, hang akan belajaq sungguh-sungguh, tak nak buat salah dah, tak nak orang pandang slack, hang akan usaha betul2. Pi kelas, buat assignment. Ini tak, sampai menyusahkan orang lain nak hantaq assignment tak bole sebab hang. Kalo dah nyusahkan orang, tak ka nanti orang menyumpah? tak berkat hidup kalau orang asyik menyumpah.
Apa masalah hang lagi? Zahar? mak jaga, duit susu dia, kcik dah kata akan bagi, sampai masa hang ambik la jaga anak hang, kakcik sikit pon x berkira ngan hang bab susu anak ni. La ni belajaq betul2 supaya bole bagi yang terbaik kat anak hang. Nampak sgt hang tak usaha nak bela anak hang elok2. Allah dah bagi peluang hang masuk universiti belajaq, hang kufur nikmat, dapat biasiswa pon tak bersyukur lagi, orang lain berapa ramai lagi yang tak dapat semua nikmat tu, hang asyik nak tgk orang yg lagi senang, cuba pikiaq pasai org susah, kita ni Allah sayang sangat2!! kalo x, xdala suma otak boleh tahan, bole dapat biasiswa la bantuan la, cuba pikiaq orang lain yg lagi susah...PIKIAQ BALIK!!!!
Hang jangan dok tenggelam dengan masalah hang, tu baru sikit, tapi suma dah settle, berzina , dapat anak luaq nikah pon, famili boleh terima lagi, siap dah kautim ngan sedara mara tak nak sorok anak hang. APA MASALAH HANG LAGI?????
Kalo mak buat perangai macam hang ni, dgn keadaan ayah yang lagu tu, ingat kita bole elok macam ni ka? Dah lama terbiaq macam anak arwah mak cik ani, hang tak pikiaq semua tu, hang pikiaq hang sorang ja ada masalah. Hang tak ingat Allah langsung, padahal Allah dah tolong hang banyak sangat!!!!!
La ni terpulang hang nak belajaq ka x, ada otak pikiaq sendiri. Cukup la kak sorang dok bagi mak susah hati dgn masalah dia yang tak habis2. Hang pon nak jadi macam dia ka? masalah x abih, masalah cari sendiri, Allah baru duga sikit dah tak tahan, akhirat esok macam mana?
Kutuk orang pandai, pikiaq la elok2. Masa depan hang ngan anak hang jugak. Kalo hang rasa kcik salah, buktikan.
Hang cuba bayangkan, hang graduate (habih belajaq) dengan budak2 kelas hang, pointer bagus, pastu waktu hari konvo, hang amik ijazah, sambil mak bawak Zahar pi tgk hang, hang tak nak ka jadi macam tu? dah ada jalan, usaha la , pikiaq la, pikiaq habih2!!!!
she replied:
suka aty kak cik la nak pikiq apa
budak sabah 2 ja yang kecoh
lagi 2 orang x ada apa2 pon
enset ila jatuh jamban
2 yang lost cntct
lgpon submission date ari jumaat 16 sept
bukan ila x wat keja lgsung
ila yang buat presentation sorang2
ila present sorang2
ila yang tentukan tajuk untuk term papper
ila yang cari bahan
ila dah buat overall...yang lain 2 just perincikan ja
minggu pas raya 2
budak sabah tu yang balik sabah x balik2 upm....
sbb tu r dia ingat ila x buat keja coz masa ila wat bnyk keja dia x ada
kenapa yang lg 2 orang 2 oK ja???
kak cik x taw apa jangan main tuduh ja
ila nak beli enset lain nanti kata ila belagak r!
enset yang ada ni bunyi skali terus mati
mcm mana nak communicate ngan org lain????
enset ila yang oK org lain pakai
nak mintak x sampai aty
pasal assignment 2
kalo kak cik x puas aty,,,
tanya lecturere ila sendiri..
antara group member ila ,
markah ila paling tinggi
erm...
kak cik ingat ila ni jenis nak susahkan group member??
kalau ila susahkan depa,,,
ila x present sorang2 r
kak cik jangan ingat ila ni x guna ja.....
suka hati kak cik la nak pikiq apa pasai ila ...
ila dah x larat nak layan karenah
kak cik ngan kak dik
la ni idop ila
ila yang tentukan
kalau ila nak lingkup pon,,,
sumpah ila x mintak tolong dah....
ila ni kan biawak hidop
anjing tersepit
so , ila x nak jadi mcm 2 dah
ila nak kena buang u pon kak cik x yah peduli...
kak cik jangan risau
yang JPA tu kalau kena buang pon
xkena bayaq
yang kena bayaq just bila kita tolak tawaran keja ngan kerajaan....
kalau ila bodoh sangat2 pon....
kalau ila fail 2 sem beturut2
kak cik x rugi sesebn pon
and my response were:
suka ati la nak buat apa, sampai 3 orang dok msg kat no lama tu, hang kata sorang ja, budak cina ada, bdk melayu pon ada, buat malu orang melayu ja, aku cabaq hang kalau betul hang dah insaf sem depan2 ni patut bole dapat 3.5, takat accounting ...budak UiTM belambak dapat 4.00!!!!!
ada masalah lari balik kat mak, bagi serabut mak, dah la mak sibuk jaga cucu, balik ntah tolong ka x, mesti mintak ayah amik kat tol, pastu nak kutuk ayah pulak.
she replied:
erm..
suka aty kak cik la nak cabaq ka apa
ila x nak sahut pon cabaran 2lts dah la ni
kalau bole berhenti...dah berhenti dah
ila x peduli kat resu
kalau ila kat uitm pon ila leh wat lebih...
tapi ila ja yang x nak
ila dah ckp ila nak guna hp ila kan??
napa x bagi balik???
depa cntct no lama coz no br x dpt nak cntct
x dpt bukak
hp ila rosak
memang r susah nak communicate
kak cik dah taw lagi xnak bagi balik phone ila , kenapa???/
yang adik 2 boleh pulak kak dik beli hp bagi
x perlu pon'
ni ila mintak balik phone sendiri balik pon x dpt
apa kes???????????????????
mcm mana org nak cntct ila kalau no ila x ley on???????
my final say:
hek ele..ckp waktu orang dah sampai pd, awat x habaq awal2, kalo hang respond email depa, xdala orang asik cari kat tepon beria-ia, nanti aku pos, x kebuloq la hp hang, aku x mintak, hang yang offer, sudahla...may Allah bless you. Amin.....
I admit that I was a bit harsh, I should have toned down a bit and be patience to deal with all of this mess. But its all said and done. I have seen such cases among my peers and nobody stands up to this kind of people and later the rest of the group are in trouble.
For now I am going to let go, let it all go, I have said my piece. At least one part is done, up to her to listen and buck up, I just don't care anymore. Sister or not. Its over. END
People around me starts doing Masters Degree already. I still stuck at my Bachelor Degree. I was browsing the net and suddenly feels the urge to check out Masters programme. I have been thinking about Energy for quite some time.
I must have a 5 years plan, and then the next 5 years. I know that one thing for sure I am planning to bring my parents for Haj in the next 3-5 years, insyaAllah..after that I have to strive for another milestone.
I have never been a planner in my life. I took one thing at a time. But it hits me, I have been wasting a lot of my time, whereas in fact I could have done more. Hence, comes this post. So in about 6 years my car debt is going to be paid. I have no plans to buy new car. So by 2009 + 6, 2015 I will be free of car debt and hopefully at that time dah pegi Haji, insyaAllah.
Haji plan : Total needed RM45000 for 3 ppl,
Savings : RM 500 per month
Time needed : 7.6 years. I have been saving for 2 years now. So another 5 years, and my money is enough. (will be faster if I put in my bonus ~RM 5000 for 2010 and 2011)
My current housing loan, will be paid in full comes 2007+20, 2027. Well, actually I can have the window in 2015, if by that time I am able to save enough money and only rely on interest to pay up my monthly expenses. I figured that I will need at least RM2500-RM3000 per month for home loan, mom+dad expenses + maintenance.
So by calculating backwards, if the interest rate is 3%, I must have at least RM 100,000 in my saving. This will be a true case if I hit a jackpot, which means I get an expat job and work hard for 3 years.
Currently I have no savings at all. I can only start saving after World Cup 2010. This is considering I abandoned all my renovation works. So, say I only have 6 months + 5 years = 66 months to get RM 100,000. I would have to set aside RM1500.00. Which is reasonable though, coz I already allocated RM 1500 for reno every month. Hmmm...now I think my plan can work.
But then I am considering to buy another house. So if at all I have pay increament, then I can have the budget for another house.
So now I have to stick to my plan. There isn't likely I will pay for anybody's kenduri now, and certainly not my own. InsyaAllah. The plan is to save RM1500 each month from July 2010 until end 2015 and then plan for my own Master or PhD, preferably outside Malaysia, Master in Energy.
I am not planning to quit Shell, take sabbatical leave and do various job to earn a living while taking Master and PhD, insyaAllah...I think I can work this out. Not bad eh? since I only started working in 2005, so I can say that I gain myself a 10 years experience and then allow myself a time off to do things for myself which in this case, my masters Degree :)
Ya Allah, please give me the strength to follow through with my plan...InsyaAllah.
p/s: This is as far as the planning goes, lets cross the bridge when we get there ok?
This morning I drove down from KL at 4.30 am. Reached PD around 5.40 am. Just in time for Suboh, and afterwhich I fall asleep. I must admit now that the place I sleept the soundest is on my own bed, in my own room. Not in the living room in front of TV in Cheras or in SP. Right here in PD in my rented home.
Somehow I had a dream. It was vague and surreal, but I remember telling myself in the dream, lets see if this is a dream. I was getting prepared to get married, am in the middle of doing my make up. There is another person that is getting married at the same time and she was almost done with her make up. I know whom I'm getting married with, Tuan Abu Zahrin, its super duper weird, I might have a crush on him but is is weird. I have not seen him for the past 8 years. He is probably married with 2-3 kids in tow now. However in that dream, I don't see him anywhere.
My make up session took like forever and somehow the make up artist left me unfinished. I picked up all the appliances, and went after her, but still my make up is not done yet. In the end, I just did not get married.
I woke up at 9 something, already late for my work. By right it is not advisable to sleep after Suboh, that's when the demon/satan starts playing with your subliminal mind and imagining stuffs.
Things that I took away from this dream are:
Its all just a dream.
I have come to terms of not getting married.
All I hope is that Allah gives me enough strength to be alone. No matter how hard it would be, how lonely my days would go by, how cold the night can be and how much I long for a companion. I wish that I can go through it all alone.
Dunia ni sementara sahaja. InsyaAllah, aku akan dipertemukan jodoh, kalau tak di dunia, di akhirat InsyaAllah...rasanya di situ lebih manis.
Raya is done, kenduri is out of the way. My CC debt is mounting up. I don't have enough cash. This week, in order to service my car, I have to exchange some leftover AUD that I have. Nasib baik ada..kalo tak I could not service my car, and who knows what happens next.
I have been feeling restless this past few day. Penat sangat, attended open house almost everyday. Got back at around 10~ish. I could not sleep until 12 or 1 am. So in the end I woke up late and turn up at work late. Twice this week I have to park outside the main office as the result of coming later than 9am.
I will be having full week again this week and next, when in fact I really need sound rest, undisturbed weekend with no driving around and chores to do. Well I will have it, the week I will be on duty. I can just stay here in PD and do nothing. Probably go for a massage if I have the extra budget.
Letih...seriously I am beat up, I need a break, not a getaway or what, just a pause for a while.. If only I can have it.....
